“It has to start somewhere, Babe. Talk about the fact that you don’t have an obsession with blue cheese olives like everyone else,” my friend Phivan (fee-vun) said in reference to starting this blog as we ordered our third martini on our 22nd Friendaversary. Phi and I are ride or die friends – she has the ability to cut right through someone, see what is really going on and provide the insight needed for them to move through life’s brick walls. While we may not speak prolifically, she will show up to move the body.
I’ve wanted to make a change in my life for years – expand beyond my industry, build a community and restructure my priorities so that I am following my passions. In order to do this, it has necessitated leaning into all the sharp and uncomfortable places of myself so I can heal the parts of me that hurt those around me. It has also required an amends with some of the people I have been closest with. Amends don’t just happen overnight, or in an instant, they occur through action – and by no means do they change the opinion of the person whom you are making an amends towards. Most important, is the power an amends has to change you. Being OK with the fresh blood and blow one’s ego may suffer as they humble themselves and acknowledge the pain they have caused someone else is not something for the weak hearted. Most of us are too proud to even recognize that we have hurt someone else – we’re too caught up in what our own perspectives and feelings are.
Over the past three months, I have moved out of the home shared with my boyfriend of five years so I could take the time needed with family to hibernate, rehabilitate and reemerge – death of the caterpillar, birth of the butterfly. Each day has been filled with a lingering depression mixed with a tingling anticipation of something new, just out of reach. One brick at a time – and one lunge / squat / plank at a time – I have slowly repaired the foundation of who I am and need to be in order to live my life to its fullest potential.
As the sun sets tonight, on a glorious Labor Day in San Diego, I invite you to share this journey with me. Let’s walk the path of a healthy lifestyle, filled with our highest joy. Together, we can build a community of trust and respect, uplifting each other to attain the best versions of ourselves while overcoming our fears. As a student of life, I don’t have all the answers – but I welcome you to learn from my mistakes and as a collective, I hope we find a path of greatness for each of us.